Monday, April 25, 2016

Weekend Recap

I'm not even sure I can put into words this weekend. Friends. Education. Familiarity. Family. Real life. My tribe. Life. Learning about myself and how to grow my business. How to grow my team. How to grow as a person. Self reflecting. Connecting as individuals. Personal real life stuff. It's honestly a lot to comprehend and take in. I'm so blessed to be a part of these individuals. This team. These people. Helping. Educating. Taking time for myself and my business. Just spent the last weekend in Salt Lake City. Going to the farm, seeing the Seed to Seal guarantee. Learning. Growing. Just simply amazing. 
















me....



Lately I've had so many thoughts running through my head. About who I am. What I want to do. How hard this last year has felt. Overcoming obstacles. Enjoying life. Sacrificing things. Laughing. Crying. Questioning? Advocating. Traveling. Teaching. Sadness. Happiness. Lots and lots of emotions. I feel like I'm juggling a lot. And I know I am. 

We lost my Grandma last July. I still don't think I've actually gotten over it. I was the only one with her when she passed. I am so thankful that I was with her but it was also the hardest thing I might have ever gone through. I miss her. alot. 

The miscarriage that we had this year also rocked me. Tomorrow is the due date of our angel baby. I just don't have any words. Still struggling with this one. 

Also we are having some health issues with E and trying to figure out what is going on. It's scary. Hard. Overwhelming. I've been researching and advocating and trying to bring awareness to what it might be. Still waiting for some final testing and blood work to be done. 

We have also had some really fun things this year. Alex is loving soccer and Evan is loving gymnastics. We sold our house and bought a new one with a closing date in June. I've traveled for my Lemondropper oil events and leadership retreats. Mike is graduating with his second masters in May. Life is good. really good. It's all about finding some balance and being thankful each and every step along the way. 

I love blogging here. I miss blogging here. I am going to make a regular commitment to getting back to what I love. To finding time to write here. Celebrate the fun. the silly. the good, bad and ugly. 

Making a goal to start hustling here in and writing our family memories down again. 

Let's find some balance. :)
xoxo
-K




Sunday, December 13, 2015

2015 Birthday Celebrations!


May is ALWAYS our busy month. It's the end of school, we have 7 May birthdays in our immediate family as well as mother's day.

This year Evan turned 6 and Alex turned 4!

To see our previous birthday celebrations click here...


Alex wanted a Paw Patrol party and Evan wanted an Avenger party. Thankfully this year the party was small. Just a couple of friends and their cousins. It was low key and I loved it. :)


This paw patrol rescue center... we got on Zulily but it can also be found at Target



 Their amazing invites and thank you cards were from LCMomCreations on Etsy




Alex's 4 year old Paw Patrol shirt came from Zulily and Evan's shirt came from Odell Sisters on Etsy









 I made their birthday sign in photoshop and had it printed poster size from Sam's Club




The paw patrol masks were from Momma Cricketz on Etsy. I love them. Great felt and quality. :)









 Definitely had fun with this low key birthday! They are growing up so fast!






April 2015

April

Lots of fun things happened this month!

Superheroes, Races, Birthdays, Friends, Writing Celebration.....


































Tuesday, December 8, 2015

what no one tells you....



9 weeks ago...

9 weeks ago I had a miscarriage.  Today I would be 20 weeks pregnant...
Yesterday we received a bill in the mail for the D & C procedure and for anesthesia. A piece of paper worth $1,000.00 as a reminder that you don't get to bring your baby home and that this pregnancy didn't work. A reminder 9 weeks after the procedure :(
 I found out I was pregnant with our third baby and found out we were 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the doctor. This was a total surprise and shock since we had to do fertility treatments to have both boys. We were ecstatic and shocked and scared and so so happy. 

At my 11 week appointment, I found out that we had a missed miscarriage. The baby's heart had stopped for whatever reason. Our amazing doctor couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler so we headed back to the ultrasound machine. As soon as the picture of our baby came up on the screen, I knew. I knew that he or she was gone. There was no heart beat. I was crushed. Mike wasn't there that day since it was just for a routine doppler check and to get blood taken to find out if it was a boy or a girl. We lost our baby around 9 weeks, so for 2 weeks we didn't know he or she was already gone. 

When you find out you’re pregnant, they always say you should wait to “announce” it until you’re our of the first trimester “just in case something happens.” But, in my opinion, if something goes wrong, you want to have a support system. And I’m not talking about the people that tell you “You’ll get through it” or “It isn’t God’s timing” or just stop talking to you because they don’t know what to say.  I'm talking about the people that come over and are real. Who will sit with you and cry. Or give you a hug. Or the women that you haven’t seen since high school that message you on Facebook to tell you you’re not alone and send you cards in the mail just to say they are sorry for your loss. Or your friends who get in contact with your husband to get meals and gift cards delivered or send flowers. The friend that texts you to talk about the fact that you’re going through the same thing and how you feel empty inside. You want REAL people. These people make it easier and I am so thankful for them.


When I miscarried, I felt so alone. Like there was something wrong with me. But when I found out that this had happened to so many women I knew, I couldn't help but ask, "If this is so common, why doesn't anybody talk about it???"

I know it is extremely painful and personal, but it is also incredibly helpful for women who miscarry to be able to be able to connect with other women who have been down that road and can offer support and insight. But unless you know whom this has happened to, you don't even know where to go for support.

So because nobody talks about it, I was totally blind-sided by the after-effects of a miscarriage. If people had been talking, here's what I wish they would have told me:

  • There are a whole new set of hypothetical calendar dates that now are 'real' for you: "This would have been his due date." "We were going to have our first Christmas with our baby." "This summer, we were supposed to be at beach..." You will probably spend the rest of your life noting 'invisible' dates on the calendar - birthdays, anniversaries, milestones that should have been...but aren't.

  • Jealousy will come out in all different ways, at all different times. You really want to be the bigger person when everyone seems to get pregnant so easily...but it is really hard. Something rises up in you that just wants to scratch out your eyes if you see one more pregnancy announcement on Facebook (and if it is an adorable Pinterest idea, you want to scratch out their eyes, too). All you see when you see their babies in their arms is your baby. We don't want to be vengeful - and we wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone...but why does she get to hold a baby and not me? Why was it so easy for her?

  • You'll probably be tortured by second-guessing. Could I have done something different? Maybe it was that one cup of coffee? Or the glass of wine I had before I knew I was pregnant? Maybe if I didn't wrestle with my boys so much? I shouldn't have eaten that greasy junk food. Maybe it was my fault? Somehow, you will relive every moment between conception and miscarriage and wonder if there was something you did that contributed to it.

  • You will question your womanhood. More than likely, you will be plagued with feelings of inadequacy. "What is wrong with me?" "I don't feel like a 'normal' woman; I can't even do what a woman's body was clearly designed to do." "I'm letting my husband down." "I'm letting myself down." Those self-doubts will rattle the core of your identity as a woman.

  • There is nothing worse than the after effects of your body and the hormones changing and that your hair is falling out or that medical bill in the mail over 2 months later as a reminder...but the worst for me is hearing how much my sons miss "their" baby. And having to have those hard conversations. When we told the boys the baby had a not strong heart and was with Jesus, Alex said, "so the baby isn't in your belly anymore" and having to say no. The hardest part after that was Evan saying "so if the baby was too little to believe in Jesus...how do we know that he or she is really up there with God" and telling him that God and Jesus take care of all of the little children and that our baby will be there. And then a month later E coming to me and telling me that he wants to die so he can be with our baby again. Heartbreaking. It doesn't get easier.

·         I know eventually I will smile again and not feel so alone. I know that I will be able to see my baby again in heaven. I know that I will be able to see babies and want to hold them and not just cry because you wish it were yours.

·         I know that I will actually feel genuine joy someday when you hear about other women getting pregnant; this time, it won't make you (that) jealous but instead, it will give you hope.

·         I know there is more to life than infertility, miscarriage, and even pregnancy. There are still a lot of meaningful, significant, important things to life for.

·         I know eventually I will feel like myself again. 

·         Though I never forget that precious life that was once alive in me - eventually, I know it will get easier.



I’m not writing this for sympathy. In all honesty, I am at peace with everything that has happened. We don’t have to treat a miscarriage like it’s the plague. And just because this doesn’t get talked about often, know you aren’t alone. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to be scared. One day at a time.....





Thursday, November 5, 2015

Why hello there....

Yes. It's been awhile.
I've missed blogging. I've missed sharing funny stories. And pictures. And writing down memories and things we've done as a family. So...my goal is to blog regularly. At least 4 times a week.

So it's been at least six months since my last blogging update :)
Of course lots of things have happened. Lots of fun and hilarious moments. Lots of sad moments too.

I'm going to take it month by month until I get caught up (mostly for me and memory keeping) :)


MARCH 2015

E working on homework. 




oils to the rescue for those spring things :)




fun park morning





A working hard at preschool





finally some warmer weather





happy st. patricks day




happy birthday dad



regulators. boom. 




whats up E?!



E is the one with his hand in the air working hard during the concert. this was a huge deal to get on stage and perform with his kindergarten classmates


 lego fest in st louis


st. louis spring break. visiting my grandma. love her.